forgive & forget?

Ok, have you ever made a decision and questioned if your final one was the right one?  Who among us hasn’t?  It can range the gamut from “Why did I say that?” to “Is this message from God or…….?” I think in one form or another, we have each had our moments of questioning and I am no different.

I have posted before about forgiveness.  I have shared my thoughts on what I believe God expects of us as His children where this decision is concerned.  It truly is a decision, a choice, an option.  God gives us all the tools we need and then allows us to seek His guidance in utilizing those tools.

Sometimes the choices are easy, sometimes, not so much.  It is sometimes VERY clear what we should do in response to certain circumstances but there are those situations where it is not as cut and dry.  In these instances, we have the opportunity to stretch our faith and dependency on Him.

In my own life, I have struggled with those who have crossed my path (and patience) and left a bitter taste in my mouth.  I am left with the decision of how to proceed, whether or not to try to reconcile or simply move forward and away from a potentially harmful situation.  I believe that the decisions we make when faced with difficult choices are determined by our experiences.   How have we handled such things in the past?  How would we like to change the way we do things in the future?  Where are we in our spiritual walk with the Lord and our understanding of what we believe He would have us do?  All these things are factors.

There are people who are simply passing through my life, here for only a season and in those instances the choice is an easy one.  Yet others are a part of it (for better or worse) for as long as God grants me breath.  I can look back and see where I have been challenged by fractured relationships and where I have learned from them (good or bad there is always a lesson to be learned).

The Lord tells us in Luke 6:37 that we have to forgive so we will forgiven.

Matthew 6:14-16 tells us that if we do not forgive then the Father will not forgive us.

Forgiveness is ALWAYS about us not the person we need to forgive.  My pastor said recently something that I found very intriguing.  He said that holding onto the anger and unforgiveness is like allowing someone to possess valuable real estate without paying any rent.  Wow!  That is a word picture if ever I saw one.  It doesn’t affect the other person at all if we hold onto our unforgiveness.  Emotional hurt and injury causes us to want to recoil and shut down for self-protection.  It makes us want to be less open, less trusting, less willing to put ourselves out there.  Yet this behavior choice only causes us distress not the other person who perpetrated the offense on us.  We, in our human nature, sometimes seek resolutions that are, well, I’ll say less than “Christ-like”.   There is much truth in the phrase “The best revenge is living a good, happy life”.

In all my studies, I have never found where the Lord asks us to “forgive and forget”.  This is one of those phrases that is attributed to the Bible without foundation.  Like the phrase “Cleanliness is next to Godliness”.  Good intentions,  but not biblical.  From some standpoints, there are many cases where forgetting the grievance is not the wisest position to take.  Forgiveness of an abuser is one those areas where you need to be cautious.  Whether the abuse is physical, emotional, sexual or spiritual……..forgive? yes!  Forget? NO!  One needs to carefully and sincerely seek the Lord’s guidance in such situations.  Forgiving your abuser is a requirement but the actions you choose to take in light of such violations has to be a matter of prayer.  Each person has to be at peace with the decision they make and be willing to live with the consequences which follow.

We are instructed in Proverbs 4:23 to “Guard your heart because everything you do flows from it”.

I believe we can make a choice to forgive someone for offenses without keeping a relationship with that person.  Forgetting is not a requirement we are instructed to embrace.  Each situation is unique and must be examined on its own merits.  If your spirit is right before God, if you can honestly say you have forgiven then no one can or should judge your intent or heart.  No one knows the heart of another and as such, we must all be careful of how we convey our perspectives when attaching them to someone elses actions.  Keeping ourselves holy and just before God is our most fundamental, as well as, our highest goal.  Work toward that objective and be convinced deep in your soul that your behavior is in line with the Spirit.  Allow God to be the force which guides your actions.

Above all……guard your heart!

Believe, always

We have had an answer to prayer this week.  It involves my DD and an ongoing physical problem that will finally be resolved soon.

Sometime back a couple of years ago DD began having pain and swelling in her knee for unexplained reasons.  We saw doctors about it  but because it would come and go, we couldn’t get a treatment plan in place.  When it began, we were living in Phoenix and soon after we moved to G’ville, SC.  Trying to find doctors who would take her seriously was difficult, to say the least.  We went through a few before finding one who recognized her condition for what it was….REAL!  Then came the move to Charleston, SC and we had to start all over.  FINALLY, we found someone who was compassionate and took time needed to get to know the chronic physical conditions she deals with daily.  It was a blessing to find this doctor in every sense of the word.  When DD’s knee began to cause  her problems again a few weeks ago, back to the doctor we went.  In no time we were in the office of yet another wonderful doctor, an orthopedic, who was quick to find the cause of DD’s pain.  She made arrangements for an MRI and discovered a torn meniscus & cyst.  All this time never knowing and now we had the answer to her pain.  For those of you who have dealt with being told it is nothing, it’s all in your head, your imagination, you know the relief that comes with getting a definitive answer.  Well that is what we had this week!  An answer with a plan of attack to correct the problem.

Although it is scary for someone you love to be in a position in which you feel powerless to help, we all feel that an end is in sight.  God has been faithful and gracious in sooooo many ways with relation to this situation and we are grateful to know He is always in control even when, at times, we may miss the obvious divine involvement.  I will take this little event to remind myself of His love for us.  Sometimes when situations like this find their way into my life, I am humbled by HIS desire to step in, correct, and arrange all things to work together for HIS glory.

Just thought I’d share this latest journey, hope it inspires you to press on.

healthcare, housing & hype

Ok, so I have kept myself from weighing in on ANY of the Obama hype.  I have deliberately stayed quiet about how I feel regarding the direction he’s trying to take our nation because I truly wanted to give him the benefit of  the doubt.  I wanted to be fair to him and his ideas.  But it would seem the hesitation only proved my initial unease as I have watched our president repeatedly make decisions which cause me to drop my head in disbelief.

Barack Obama made promise after promise.  And as he threw out the line people from coast to coast bought it all, hook, line and sinker.  I watched how smooth he was in front of the cameras, how easily he explained to the nation that he was the one who could get our nation back on the right track.  I was amazed more than once at the way everyone seemed to eat up everything “Obama”.  And I was disgusted.  Why did everyone think that with him in office they would no longer have to worry about gas in their cars, paying their mortgages or finding their responsibility meter for the messes they had gotten themselves into.  Why did (do) they think the government is their savior?  Can anyone tell me a good scenario in which having the government in the middle of personal businesses, personal healthcare, Wall Street Bailout has benefitted the American people?  I can’t think of one.

I have a difficulty understanding that while government is giving out money to the “less fortunate” and spending my tax dollars, I am struggling to keep afloat financially.  Obama is assisting desperate people dive head-first deeper into debt, taking their “gas guzzling” paid-off cars to dealers & getting new ones for which they NOW have a payment to make each month and I wonder how long will it be before my tax dollars are used to make good on those loans.  No one seemed to think beyond that initial $4-$5000 “gift” the government was waving in front of them.  All they could think of was that BRAND NEW CAR!  It all sounded so easy, so great.  But there are now dealerships with hundreds of thousands of dollars outstanding who can not get the money owed to them by the government under this so called “deal”.   How, in any way, does getting someone into more debt help them?  It doesn’t!  But the new car….it’s so sparkly…..so pretty…..so shiny and I can get rid of my jelopy and “won’t I look great behind the wheel of that new shiny car”? 

Snap-out-of-it!!!!!!!  This is not going to end well for you, partner!

Look at the housing industry.  Bankruptcy is at an all time high.  Why?  Because we gave into the premise which said “I deserve this”, “I’ve earned this house-car-boat-vacation-big screen tv, ect.”  As a nation, we got ourselves into significant debt and it happened so quickly, so easily and without us seeing it was happening.  But here we are.  When did we decide we could borrow money and not have to repay the money……with intrest?  Why can my neighbor get help on his delinquent mortgage payment from the government because he is about to default on his loan but I do not qualify for help because I am doing without things to make good on my house note?  Why am I held to a different standard than those who perpetuated much of the financial ruin we are seeing all around us.   I am what would be considered the working poor.  Make too much to get “government” help but barely enough (sometimes not even enough) to meet bills.  Some months, the money is not there.  Some months there are things that need attention like a car repair, a dental emergency, a sick animal who needs a vet, just one thing, I am often just one emergency/crisis away from huge financial disaster.  I live month to month on my knees praying that I can have the strength and courage and wisdom to contend with the issues I must face.  Will there be unexpected $$$ coming in the mail? Left on the door step? Deposited in my account?  Doubtful.

I had to move across the country to find work so I could meet those financial obligations only to be forced into another move because there was no honor in the actions of those who initially offered employment.  I own a house which I was unable to sell in this current economy so it is being leased for less than the mortgage payment and only for a year or so.  Therefore, not only do I have to find a new residence in a new city but I have to be able to make up the difference between what I collect from the renters and what I owe for the mortgage.  I effectively have 2 mortgage payments.  People left and right are defaulting on their loans and companies are passing those losses on to the consumers.  That consumer is you and me.  If I were honest, I have thought about letting my house go back to the bank but that would not be the honorable Christ-like thing to do.  I made a committment to pay for that house and I will honor that committment.

The healthcare issue is another quagmire.  One only has to look at the medical care our military receives to see how well or how poor it works.  Our sons and daughters go out and fight against terrorists, face things many of us will never see, fight a sometimes invisible enemy.  They come home with broken bodies, wounded spirits or worse yet, sometimes they don’t come home at all.  We see them in hospitals, long-term care centers, homeless (soldiers are among the largest homeless population) but still our “grateful” nation can’t seem to find a way to properly care for those who have placed their lives on the line willingly to protect us.  Sad.  But this is exactly what we can expect from government controlled healthcare.  When the brave and honorable military can not get the medical coverage they deserve/require in reciprocation for all they have done for our nation, then why would we think Obama will do more for us.  He WON’T!!!!!!!  Start by cleaning up THIS system!  Start truly taking care of those who so bravely defend, protect and serve our country. 

Then maybe, just maybe we can begin to trust in our Commander in Chief.

God is Good (allthetime)

Well, this year has been so full of changes for us on so many levels not the least of which is in the area of health.  Because of my Diabetes, our health care costs are more than they have ever been in the past.  There are just things that I never gave any thought to before.  I never considered health insurance beyond what our co-pay was until we had to start paying a nearly $6,000 deductible for the year.  Never thought about the cost of the medications our family had to take until that cost came out of my account every time I had to go to the pharmacy.  It has been a difficult undertaking for us but we know we are fortunate to even have coverage when so many others do not.  Still, it is a juggling act some months to make sure everything is covered.  I know everyone has their crosses to bear, this is one of mine.

The last time I went into see my endocrinologist I was asked about my insulin doses and whether or not I had been to see the other doctor she recommended I see and I had to confess that I  had not.  I proceeded to explain to her the reasons behind my non-compliance…..finances.  I told her about our large deductible and the difficulty I was having picking and choosing how to meet that responsibility.  I was not checking my blood sugar as often as I was supposed to because the supplies needed to do that were expensive.  Instead of checking it 3-6 times a day, I was only checking 1-2 times each day.  In addition, I had cut back a bit on the amount of insulin I was taking so that it would last me longer.  Not smart, I know, but it was the only way I could think of to be able to afford the other meds we needed while still doing my best to control my diabetes.

She took a moment then shared with me the most recent medical conference she had been to in Atlanta.  Turns out that she had decided to participate in a study for a new insulin that was in use in Europe and was seeking FDA approval here in the states.  It would mean that people who had to take basal insulin 2 times a day would only need to take it once a day instead.  That would be GREAT!  Then she told me if I was interested in participating in the study I would get the insulin cost covered as well as the other supplies needed to check my blood sugars every day.  All of this would be at no cost to me!  Talk about excited!

I had to wait about 2 months for the study to begin and then I had to wait to hear if I was selected after initial labs and criterea had been met within the study guidelines.  So today I found out that I had been accepted in the study and I go back tomorrow to pick up all my insulin and supplies!  It is such a weight off my mind right now.  To know that in an area I had fretted about and had difficulty seeing my way around, the Lord had the solution all the time.  But then, doesn’t He always?
What do YOU neeed to turn over to the Lord?

inspiration

Last night I went to a local hamburger joint with DH.  It is one of my favorite places to eat.  We can just sit there and catch up on the days or the weeks events.  It is neither too loud or too quiet so it makes it easy to converse.  Where is this place you might ask?  It’s 5 Guys.  I could eat there everyday and not tire of it.  I enjoy watching the people coming in and going out.  Which is what brings me to this latest post.

Upon our visit last night, sitting and enjoying the company of DH, I watched a young family make their way through the doors starting with the Mom (baby on hip) two more kids then Dad.  The boy (12) was so well mannered, the little girl (6) had a huge smile and skipped in behind her Mom and as our eyes met, I smiled.  It was then that I noticed she was not just skipping, she was sporting a prosthetic leg causing her gait to look like a skip.  And for a moment, I was shocked.  It’s not that I have not seen this before, just never on such a young child.  It seemed like a cruel hand dealt to a little girl with a winning smile.

As I sat there enjoying my dinner, my eyes kept drifting to that little girl.  I wondered why she had an artificial leg, what had happened in her few short years which required the cumbersome apparatus.  In between segments of conversation with DH my mind kept wandering around the many questions I had.  I watched the interaction she had with her siblings and her parents.  I watched as she curled her legs up underneath her little body like any other child her age would do and then as she bounced around the table without a care in the world.  I wondered if she even knew there was something different about her.  Finally, when my heart could no longer be contained, I decided to go speak to her Mother.

I walked slowly over to their table and pulled out an unoccupied chair and politely saying, “excuse me” as I sat down.  I told the Mother how impressed I was with her little girl and the attitude she had in the face of her “cap-ability”.  Her Mother told me that she has done quite well, she has not known what it would be like to be without her prosthetic appendage because she was born with a shortened femur(thigh) bone.  Suddenly, the little girl (Cindy) saw me sitting at her table for the first time and didn’t quite know how to respond to me, a stranger, invading her space.  Then, she smiled broadly that smile that first captivated me and I melted.

How wonderful is it that there are still things to be learned from children?  I find myself complaining about insignificant things sometimes, yet, they are non issues compared to what this little one must face each day.  Of all the things which cause me difficulty in my life, they pale in comparison.  She faces daily struggles that I can only guess about but, I’m sure, are just routine for her because she has never known differently.  Her courage and attitude were inspirational to me.

I want to be just like that little girl when I grow up.

content

Well……long time, no type.  Lots of things going on in my life and in the lives of my family members.  To begin with, my younger DD and I headed out on a two day road trip to Arkansas for a big event……the wedding of my oldest DD.  We spent the long days playing word games to keep us awake and alert, got to see some beautiful mountains, ran into rain on and off and overall had a pretty decent trip.  We stopped for the first night just outside Nashville and the hotel we chose left a lot to be desired.  In fact, it was downright AWFUL!  For anyone interested, it was a Best Western and it was anything BUT “best”.  I’ll save you the LOOOONNNNGGG explanation but trust me when I say it was a horrible experience. There is a scathing letter inside me just dying to be released and sent to the Best Western Headquarters.  Soon…….

The wedding proved to be a mix of emotions.  I was sad for the daughter I was losing but happy for the son I was gaining.  I was exhausted because of the lack of sleep, (there was a lot to do still once I was there). I was apprehensive because I would be meeting many new people.  I was thrilled because my Mama and sister were there and since we live on opposite sides of the country now we don’t get to see one another like we did when we were in the same city.  I was tearful because it was the first major event for our family in which my mother-in-law would not be present, (she passed away in 07).  But after it was all said and done, I was relieved that we had survived relatively in tact.  Whew!  It was close let me tell you.

Our daughter has started out on a new phase of her life.  She has left behind the little girl I knew.  Almost everything about her is changing on some level.  She has a new husband, a new residence, a new name and a new way of living her life.  She got her hair, which was halfway down her back, cut off 2 days after the wedding and is sporting a new SHORT chin length bob (it’s really cute).  My DD, who was NEVER an animal person, also added to her little family of two by adopting a kitty and is beginning to understand why those little furry creatures bring us such joy and generate maternal feelings.  She is in for some thrills; she is in for some disappointments; she is in for life.  Those of us who have travelled down this road know what it is like that first few years of married life.  In some ways, I would not want to re-live those days but in others, I am melancholy longing for aspects of it.  I wish I could go back and know then what I know now. 

I would have a better understanding of how some things work.  For instance, I would know that just because DH does things different from me doesn’t mean he does them “wrong”.  I would know that there are going to be times when the month is much longer than the money available and that there is a learning curve when you combine bank accounts.  I would look at the hard times as character building events and know that with all difficulties comes greater understanding.  I would take more time to enjoy being young and all that being young entails.  I would go on more vacations with my little girls and make more memories with them.  I would not miss out on opportunities to better my life through any means available to me.  I would invest more time and effort in keeping myself healthy.  I wouldn’t burn the candle at both ends so often because, in the end, no one wins.  I would be a softer and more gentle person.  I would speak less, listen more and not believe I had all the answers.  I would heed the advise of my mother sooner rather than later because she has walked this path before me and her information is prudent.  I would realize earlier that time is not necessarily my friend.  I would be more cautious about what I said and to whom I said it making my words sweet since there will be times when I will have to eat them. Yes, I suppose there are times when I wish I was in the shoes of my DD starting out on a new life with no restrictions, no set boundaries and limitless opportunities. 

But just as quickly as I say that, I am reminded of what my life has brought me and where I am now because of the life I have lived.  Are there things about it I would change?  Sure, who wouldn’t?  But I love where I am now.  I live in a great city, have a wonderful church with solid teaching and good people.  When I am feeling down and depressed, I can go for a long walk on the beach and talk with the Lord while marvelling at His beautiful creations and that allows me to put things into perspective.  I have the privilege of living with the man I have loved since I laid eyes on him some 26 years ago.  We have a really good thing.  We know one another inside and out.  There is no one in the world I would rather spend time with than him.  He is my support, my champion, my life partner, my love and I am grateful everyday for him. 

On second thought, I wouldn’t trade places with my daughter.  I love my life just the way it is.

Scriptures of hope

Some days I struggle.  Some days I do not deal well with things that are laid out before me.  I struggle with the same issues everyone else does……relationships, health, housework, money, children, work, appointments, etc.  There are days when I do VERY well at juggling them and then other times………well, you know.  Today was one of the “well, you know” days.  It was a culmination of things I think, but the icing on the cake was a phone conversation which threw me off the cliff I was already teetering precariously close to.   I spent the next 24 hours nursing a migraine headache which kept threatening to cause me to worship at the porceline alter (vomit).  It has not been a good day.  I have struggled.

As I was preparing for church this evening, I stepped into the shower & quickly found myself in a heap on the floor sobbing uncontrollably because of the sheer difficulty of the last 24 hours.  It has to be one of my weakest moments.  All alone, feeling betrayed, rejected and in deep despair I cried out to God (literally out loud) begging for guidance, grace, mercy and healing in the areas of my life which have brought me to this place of utter brokenness.  I poured out my heart to Him knowing He was the only One who could facilitate the changes needed.  Even as I write this, I am easily brought to tears.  Yes, today I am struggling.

I am looking to the scriptures and promises of God for encouragement.  I am trying to find strength in the words I find there knowing that He will work all things together for my good.  I have to remind myself of that sometimes.  And, sometimes I am a better listener to those promises than I am at other times.

1.  Luke 18:27  says: What is impossible with men is possible with God.   I have to remember that He is in charge of EVERYTHING.  I may not be able to see to the other side but I don’t need to if I dwell on this promise.

2. Philippians 4:19, NIV. “And my God will meet all your needs according to His glorious riches in Christ Jesus.”  So when there is more month than money, I try to remember His riches are more than I could ever imagine and He already knows my need.

3. Isaiah 26:3, NIV. “You (God) will keep in perfect peace him (me) whose mind is steadfast, because he (I) trust(s) in You.”  This one is a BIG one for me.  Above all else I want my home and relationships to be laced with peace.  I do not like or deal well with undercurrents of anger, resentment or bitterness in any of my relationships.  If it happens occasionally, I can work it out but if it becomes the norm, I pull away from the source of it because I do not like the feeling of being in a constant state of drama and I do not believe it is what the Lord wants for me.  Life is too short.  Fix it or ditch it, there is rarely a middle ground.

4. Revelation 21:4, NIV. “He will wipe every tear from their eyes. There will be no more death or mourning or crying or pain, for the old order of things has passed away.”  Sometimes I long for this scripture to come to pass.  I can hardly wait for the day when I no longer have to deal with the daily pain and physical ailments which have become a constant companion to me.  I have to remind myself that I will one day have a new body; one that does not betray me; one that is healthy and works the way it was created to work.

5. “God opposes the proud but gives grace to the humble.” James 4:6  This is one I always want to keep close to my heart.  I never want to be perceived as prideful because there is truly nothing I have in my life which I can take credit for calling into existence.  It is all because of the Lord in my life that ANYTHING can be called good.  It is because of Him that I have what I have; family, relationships, belongings…..whether tangible or not it is because of His loving kindness that I have what I do.  I never want to be boastful of accomplishments because the truth is all I have is HIS.  I can do nothing on my own.

6. “It is of the Lord’s mercies that we are not consumed, because His compassion fails not.  They are
new every morning:  great is Thy faithfulness.”  Lamentations 3:21-22  Ahhhh…..His mercies are renewed EVERY day.  Oh! How I need that.  There are so often times in which I feel I have failed the Lord, disappointed Him and/or deserve His wrath but this scripture lets me know that even in my weakest moments, the times I am failing at absolutely everything…….His mercies do not fail me.  I begin each day with a clean slate and dear me, how I need that some days.

7.  You are my hiding place; You will protect me from trouble and surround me with songs of deliverance  Psalms  32:7 I love this verse.  Sometimes I forget that He IS my hiding place and that He will protect me…..not just my physical body but my emotional, spiritual and psychological being as well.  I can hide in Him to strengthen my spirit until I feel strong again.  I need to remember to do that more often, especially these days.

8.Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough troubles of its own.  Matthew 6:34   I have a difficult time with this one because I always try to think ahead.  Sometimes I find myself fretting about what has yet to occur.  I work on this one all the time.  I will continue to do so.

9. Be still and know that I am God.  Psalm 4:10  Being still is difficult for me.  Not so much physically but in thought.  I remind myself often that God is God and I am NOT!

10. Create in me a clean heart, Oh Lord, my God, and renew a right spirit within me. Psalms 51:10  I hope when I am really old, people around me will have seen that I used this scripture as a meditation and that holding it close to my heart was reflected in my behavior.

God laughs

Throughout my life I have always been fascinated about the people who come in and out of our lives.  Sometimes the timing is too coincidental to be a coincidence.  You know what I mean?  The accident that causes the car to go off the road and flip a few times throwing the driver out of the car occurs in front of a house owned by a paramedic who just “happens” to be home at the time of the accident and can render aid.  And BTW, he is also a preacher starting up his own church and the accident victim is in spiritual need as well as physical.  Too much to be happenstance.

I “met” someone today (via phone) who will be in my life at least for a season and perhaps for longer.  She could be just an acquaintance but it felt like she would be a friend and I find it fascinating how we made contact.

If you have followed my blog for any length of time you know that my family resided in AZ for many, many years.  I met and married my DH (darling hubby) there, birthed both of my children and raised my family there for 25 years and I had no plans to leave it.  But I believe God laughs at our plans as He changes the course of our lives.  When my DH found himself looking for work, that search lead us to Greenville, SC.  With great anticipation and lots and lots of tears, we packed up our home and made the move but it was not to be a lasting change.  We found our lives, once more, uprooted when the job did not turn out to be what we were told it would be so the job search began again.

He found a job in Charleston, SC which is where we now live but at the time my DD (darling daughter) and I had to stay in Greenville, SC.  It was a very difficult time for us all.  DH loved his new position, still does, but the apart time was miserable.  Because we had planned on staying in Greenville for a long time (insert heavenly laughing here) we purchased a home.  That home proved VERY difficult to sell as the economy took a nose dive and the weeks apart turned into months.  We brought our eldest daughter home from college in December, packed up the car and headed for Charleston to spend Christmas together with DH in a hotel room.  Strange as it was at least we were together. 

Finally in March we found someone to rent our Greenville home.  We had a wonderful real estate agent who helped us set things in place for the renters.  At about the same time a new family moved in across the street.  I wanted to welcome them and introduce myself so they would know we owned the home there but would not be living in it.  I took some cookies over, sat with the lady of the house and proceeded to chat for quite some time.  They are a Christian family with 4 beautiful children.  What a shame we were leaving as they were moving in.  But a contact was made. 

 The renters, as it turned out, work for a large international company which has a plant in Greenville.  As I was talking to another neighbor about  the new couple moving in I told him where the renter worked.  My neighbor works there as well and I didn’t even know it.  Then he asked me the name of the renter and before I could get the full name out of my mouth he was saying it along with me.  Turns out that my neighbor and the renter work together daily.  Coincidence?

We finally found a place in Charleston we felt we could afford but as you know it is quite a bit smaller and requires us to downsize.  There were some problems getting things set up with the rental agency which I will spare you the details on but after 2 months here those things are still not resolved.  We kept addressing the issues but nothing was being done.  Very frustrating.  Then this morning the doorbell rings.  Because last night was another sleepless night for me, I was resting and DD answered the door.  On the other side of it stood the owner of the house.  DD told me this lady was very nice and had made an good impression which was comforting.  I found out that she lives in Washington state and is here helping a friend who is ill and stopped by to introduce herself and ask if we were being treated well by the rental agency.  DD told her a few of the issues we have had and that was all it took to set things in motion.  Amazing how quickly things will happen when you talk with the right person.  She, too, was having difficulty reaching the rental agency which is what prompted her visit to the house but boy! was I glad she decided to stop by.

She is the acquaintance I spoke of at the top of this post.  I believe she could be a friend.  Her spouse is military and currently deployed so as you read this and as you think of me remember him in your prayers.  I am eternally grateful to our brave soldiers for doing the job I can not.  Talking with her on the phone later in the day brought me great peace about the issues we are dealing with concerning the house.  I have confidence in her words when she tells me she will accomplish what needs to be done.  I do not know how this couple came to the decision to make this home available for rent instead of selling it but because they did I have a roof over my head.  Because she had a friend in Charleston who was in need, she came back here unexpectedly.  Because she could not reach the rental agent, she stopped by to introduce herself.  And, because she is a Godly woman she has integrity and I believe she will honor her word to correct the problems we are having.

Fascinating is the only word I can think of which describes my current circumstances.  The ebb and flow of my life and of the people who come in and out of it.  I love watching how God works all things together for good and to the benefit of those He loves.  And though it may make my immediate situation strangely difficult…I love it when He laughs.

nostalgia

When I was a little girl, fewer things could thrill my heart more than to hear my folks say we were going to take a trip to the beach.  In those days I was without the concerns that plague me now.  I didn’t think of piddly things such how long it would take us to drive there, how we would finance it, where we would sleep, what we would eat or who would take care of the animals we’d be leaving back at home.  All I was concerned about was getting there, playing in the water, finding shells and sea glass and getting a tan (I actually burned).  It was so exciting for me.  Its is one of my earliest childhood memories and just about the only happy ones which included my father.  Perhaps I will elaborate more on that last statement in a later post but today is about sweet memories.

Today my DH (darling hubby) and I were sitting around catching up on chatter and he suddenly looked at me and excitedly said, “Let’s go to the beach”.  This has never been an option for us until our move to beautiful Charleston, SC.  Having lived in the Phoenix desert for 25 yrs going to the beach meant at least a 6-7 hour drive.  Now it only takes 20 minutes or so.  Amazing!  Never thought I’d be so fortunate as to live this close to one of my most favorite things in the world.  I’d give up almost anything to be close to the ocean.  It beckons my spirit and somehow it soothes my soul when I sit and watch the waves lapping onto the shore.  I love to watch the water come in closer and closer.  I love to think about the things those waves bring up to the sand then leave behind waiting for me to pluck like ripened fruit.  I can pick up something and just study it wondering where it came from, how long it took it to get where I found it and what happened to it during its journey.  Recently, I find myself wondering about the things I find; what would they say to me about their journey and experience.  Strange, I know.  Just the way I sometimes think.

When we were first married we had no extra money to do things like vacations.  Whether it was across town or across states to the beach, money just wasn’t there.  We were associate youth pastors at our church and we both had full time jobs so the only time we got out of town was with the youth retreats and such.  Then we were blessed with first one daughter then another and life changed little by little for us.  Priorities too, changed and we understood why it was so important to set aside time to spend as a family. Our attitudes changed and we knew how important family time was without outside influence or interference.  To reconnect and partake in what my DH calls “sand castle therapy” was a renewal of mind, body and spirit and it made for some great Daddy / Daughter days.  From the first trip my girls had at the beach to the last one with them, sand castle therapy was always part of the trip (along with looking for shells and sea glass with Mama).

But yesterday while we were there I found myself thinking of other things and I began to get melancholy and strangely, quietly, reflective.  I watched several families with young children on the beach.  I watched as moms held the babies and dads walked 3 & 4 yr olds into the surf for the first time.  I was tracking in on this one family in particular as a rogue wave caught the little 3-4 yr old girl off guard and soaked her little shorts.  She turned around facing her daddy thinking she would be in trouble but he just smiled and told her “it’s ok” then proceeded to take the shorts off her.  He turned her back to the water clad only in her t-shirt and panties and said “ok, go have fun” as he followed closely behind.  I looked up at the mom and quietly said “Enjoy these moments in time because they pass far too quickly”.  She smiled and told me I was not the first to impart these words of wisdom to her.  I just nodded my head and walked away becoming lost in my own reasons for knowing this bit of wisdom first hand.

Sitting prominently on an entry hall chest is a picture of my girls playing in the sand the first time they got to go to the beach (complements of my in-laws).  I count it among my most treasures photographs.  They were always happy when we told them we were going to the beach for a few days the same way my sisters and I responded when we were told the same thing so many years ago.  I have pictures without number of the fun we had, the castles they built with their Daddy and simple things that we did which made us happy (ie. walking on the boardwalk, eating ice cream, the roller coaster rides with Daddy)  In the earlier days things were simpler, as they aged though we had to be more creative and it was, at times, difficult to do but we kept making the efforts because we all knew time for these trips was coming to an end.  They were growing up and would be moving away soon to start their own lives apart from us.

So as I watched that young couple on the beach, I was taken back to a time when DH could scoop up our daughters in his arms whirling them around to make them squeal then set them back down to watch them stumble into the surf.  I was taken back to the time when the excitement was undeniable, tangible even and the smiles were always genuine because being at the beach had the same effect on them that it had on me……it beckons their spirit and soothes their souls and I hope that it always will.  As this next phase of their lives begin to unfold, (one about to be a wife, one about to be in college) I hope it is with smiles and sighs that they remember the joy of the ocean, of making happy memories, of the times they were little and felt that tangible glee at the sight of the waves lapping up on the sand.

I am at the stage in my life when both my girls are grown and I will never get back those moments with them and I get blue, melancholy and depressed.   But then I remember God always has a plan…….I will have grandchildren and this process will start over again only this time being older and wiser.  I will capture every special moment I can.  I will not rush through the motions.  I will laugh more, I will embrace more, I will love more because I have learned now those times are so few and pass by so fast.  I don’t want to blink too long or I may miss them.  That, my friends, would be the worst kind of  regret.  No, I have been around this mountain a couple of times before……..now I know my way.

Are there things you would do differently with your family?  Can you make changes now?  Don’t wait another minute, time is NOT your friend.  Try some sand castle therapy, you just might be pleasantly surprised……..we were.

clip-snip-save

With the economy being the way it is and lay offs happening all around us is it any wonder families are turning to inventive ways of saving money?  Some are cutting out vacations, postponing purchases, driving less and my favorite……clipping coupons.  This has been an on/off love affair of mine for years.  In years that were good financially I tended to become lax with the clipping but in the lean years I scrounged everywhere I could think of to find coupons.  I started off not doing real well with my efforts but the longer I kept trying, the better I got.  I learned how to combine certain coupons and certain sales so as to increase the amount of money I could save.

My experience began not long after I was married.  My DH’s (darling hubby)mother was an avid clipper and rebater.  I found out how serious she was about doing this when I stepped into her garage one day and found several shelves chock full of boxes overflowing with coupons for shopping and food labels for rebates.  When we would go for visits (she only lived a few miles away, had a pool, and we lived in PHOENIX with 115 degree summers) we would deliver the mailed in rebates she would send to our home and I was amazed at the amount of money she was getting back doing rebates!  She was a well organized lady and had it down to a science.  She was great at all of it.  Before long, I was watching her methods and asking all kinds of questions trying to glean all the knowledge she would share with me.  I was a quick learner and soon had a coupon caddy of my very own to utilize for those shopping trips to the market.  I thought I was coooool!  It felt wonderful to be saving money with little effort.  Then I was HOOKED!

On Tuesday I twittered about how well I did at the grocery store this week with my couponing.  My bill started out $112.41. and I paid $67.28.  This did not happen without for-thought and planning.  But the process only takes about an hour or so each week.  Getting the Sunday paper is the start of the process.  It has all the coupons in it.  The key is to get more than one paper delivered.  If they deliver the paper to your home  you will frequently get more coupons than you would if you just bought the paper in the store.  Once you decide which coupons to cut out of the fliers you will see the pattern emerge for you.  It doesn’t take long for you to discover which ones you like to use and which ones you will pass over.  This could, however, cost you in savings.  Remember that companies will often print big $$ coupons for their new products or if they are repackaging an old product you could see deep cuts in prices as they try to clear the shelves of the old product packaging so watch out for the coupons you wouldn’t normally use.  If there is the least chance you would be interested in the product…..clip the coupon!

There are several ways to make the most of the CC (clipped coupons).  The first thing you want to do is to look at the weekly grocery store circulars (delivered in many areas with your mail, junk mail Tuesday we always called it) or you can find them in the Sunday paper.  You can compare what’s on sale with the coupons you have clipped or you can have someone do the work for you.  There are a few sites out there which will do that for you for a small fee.  The one I have found that I just love is called The Grocery Game.  This site has the process down pat!  The site utilizes computers to analyse and track the sales in individual stores.  Each store has sale cycles and this can be tracked and used to our advantage.  The Grocery Game tells you what is on sale any given week by showing you which sales are at rock bottom prices, which ones are are just so-so, and what you can get for FREE with the coupons you have.  They put together the list each week, tell you if coupons are available for the product, tell you the value of the coupon, and what date the coupon was in the paper.  This is done is list form, easy to follow.

It is a simple process easy enough for anybody to do and someone else has done the leg work.  I have used the process for a few years now and still love it.  I supplement my grocery trips with a Wal-Mart or Farmers Market stop because they often have things I might need for meal completions that may not be on sale the week I need them.  But those who stay with the list and make meal plans around it (which is what is recommended) you will save even more money!

All it takes is a little practice, a little time, and you will be spending only a little money.  I still get a rush when I have saved 1/2 or more on my grocery bill.  That tweet I put out this week was on the low side of savings for me but having just moved to the Charleston area, I am still learning my way around and finding who has the best deals.  In the meantime, I wanted to share with those how have asked for me to blog on how I find those great deals.

If you decide to use The Grocery Game be sure to tell them when they ask that Selena Lee-Murphy sent you.  Have a great time saving and HAPPY CLIPPING!