destructive vices

Today, I woke up to find myself crying but I didn’t know why.  A dream? A nightmare? What?

Then I remembered……….

Today was a special day, only, not in a good way.  It marks an anniversary I’d just as soon it didn’t.

Today, my entire family grieves.

The following post is from Murphy24p.wordpress.com – (my DH’s blog).  Please take a minute to read one daughter’s account of her loss……..

OUR daughter.

As you read this, take a minute to think about the impact your decisions have on others.  Sometimes your vices, which, you think affect only you, CAN and often DO have far reaching ramifications.

Blessings,

Selena

GUEST POST – murphy24p.wordpress.com

While I realize that this blog has evolved into a church media spot, today I will go a bit more personal. You see, today marks 4 years since my mother passed away after a brutal fight with lung cancer. Most days, I feel like I’ve gotten passed most of the sadness, but then April 26th. rolls around and it all comes running back. My oldest daughter called me a couple of weeks ago and asked if I had a moment for her to read something for me. After hearing it, I asked her if I could honor her grandmother by posting here today (thank you, Larissa):

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Grandma’s Vice

I got the call on Thursday, April 26, 2007.  I’d been anticipating it for weeks – months really.  I was on edge any time my phone rang.  I knew it was coming, but even as my dad’s number flashed on my phone I wasn’t prepared for his words, “Grandma’s gone.”  At 19 years old, I had yet to deal with death personally.  I had never known such sorrow in my life before that April morning, and have yet to know it since.

I think I knew from an early age that they would kill her – the cigarettes.  She certainly knew how to kill a pack and at her peak she killed 3 a day.  Her life was ruled by her next cigarette break.  Everything that came from her house reeked of cigarette smoke – clothes, gifts, and sometimes even baked goodies.  I hated that smell.  And at the end of her life, I think I hated that she slowly killed herself day by day ignoring the stench that I loathed.

After a night of crying, a test, and a two-hour trip to the airport, I was back in Phoenix for Grandma’s funeral, trying my best to balance grieving and studying for the final exams that awaited my return to school.  Coming to terms with a new reality was a very long process that had only just begun. One moment in my grieving that I will never forget was having the privilege to deliver the scripture reading at her funeral.  It was a passage from the Book of Wisdom, an inclusion of the Catholic Bible, that I was not familiar with but knew, being the scripture of my Grandma’s life, would have been written on her heart. Maybe that’s why it took such a hold of me.  It wasn’t some cliché passage I had heard repetitively in church so I could truly take in the words and the ideas behind them.

But the souls of the just are in the hand of God, and no torment shall touch them. They seemed, in the view of the foolish, to be dead; and their passing away was thought an affliction and their going forth from us, utter destruction. But they are in peace. For if before men, indeed, they be punished, yet is their hope full of immortality; Chastised a little, they shall be greatly blessed, because God tried them and found them worthy of himself. As gold in the furnace, he proved them, and as sacrificial offerings he took them to himself. Those who trust in him shall understand truth, and the faithful shall abide with him in love: Because grace and mercy are with his holy ones, and his care is with the elect.

As I stood on the stage of my grandparents’ church, I could hardly read these touching words through my tears.  My tears were full of sadness and anger at the same time.  My heart was breaking with the realization that she was truly gone, but I was angry that she could have prevented her death. There are days when I miss her so much it hurts, like my wedding day when she wasn’t there to see her pearls as my “something old.”  Other days it’s simple things like birdseed and honeysuckle that remind me of her.  I know part of her will always be with me.  I just wish she had fought her vice.

-Larissa Webber

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My plea to smokers: Some one loves you dearly… perhaps many do. Don’t cut your time with them any shorter than it has to be. I know that quitting smoking is one of the toughest things you can go through, but it’s so worth it.

Thanks.

oh the thrill

The older I get, the more I enjoy the simple gifts in life.  The ones that include time spent with friends and family, playing games and  catching up with each others lives whilst everyone sits around the proverbial fire.  It is wonderful to kick back with someone you’ve known all your life; someone who knows all your secrets and loves you anyway.

I wanted to tell you about the wonderful gift I received from my older sister this past Christmas.  It came in a small package, an envelope even, and, I couldn’t remember a gift over which I have been so excited in such a long time.  It was a gift which had to simmer, steep and be sat on for a while (didn’t like that part very much) but it was WELL worth the wait.

Sooooo, we had opened gifts, cleaned up and were heading for bed but before I shut down lights in the family room, my DH reminded me of a gift I had received from my loved ones in AZ, my sister, to be exact.

There was a wrapped gift, a Christmas card and another card labeled “OPEN THIS LAST” so I followed the instructions.  When I read the nice Christmas card and opened the gift, I proceeded to zip open the card with the curious instructions.

OPEN LAST

This was the card I pulled out.  It was from a set of cards I sent to her a while back — we BOTH love the ocean and all that entails — the seaside picture should have been a clue but I was not too swift catching on.

When I flipped up the card, I sucked all the oxygen from the room, brought my hand up to my chest and began to well up with tears.  DH could not imagine what she would have conveyed in that card which would cause such a reaction.

It began with…

“We will be arriving in SC to visit”………  Not only was SHE coming but she would be bringing HER DH and her grand-daughter (my grand-niece) as well!!!!

Whaaaaaa?????? Really????  She gave me plenty of notice ….weeks in fact and I could barely stand the waiting.  She told me she struggled to keep it under wraps once the plans were made because she set this all in motion BEFORE Christmas and she wanted it to be a surprise for us.

Well, mission accomplished!

This was the first time my AZ family has traveled to SC for a visit of any kind so you can imagine my excitement.  We miss them all so very much & the thought that family would come all the way out here for a visit simply overwhelmed me.   Excited, excited, excited!!!!

It was the first time in a VERRRY long time I had seen my grand-niece and she had a hard time remembering me in the beginning, but quickly warmed up.  First thing we did when they got out of the van (after the potty break) was go for a walk to the park so she could get some of her wiggles out after sitting in a car for several hours.

She was most thrilled with the tree swing.  See?

grand-niece and her Nahna

She was squealing with delight the whole time she was on the swing………. one of my most favorite sounds.  You’ll notice the jackets they are wearing, well, it was a strange few days weather-wise when they were visiting  and so very cold.  I will not complain though, because they were in MY home.

swing time!

Barbie puzzles are hard to put down

The wee one stayed busy and happy, uh, as long as she had her Nahna’s telephone and could play with the puzzles or watch a cartoon.

Isn’t she just a cutie patutie?  I know I’m biased, but come on……. she really is!

The one day we were able to go to the beach, there was such a breeze and temps were, again, well below average, so we were not there for long.  Still, it was nice to be there with them.  Even my bro-in-law, who, is not too crazy about all the seashells my sister has collected over the years, was himself, looking at all the different types of shells on our beaches, (even picking up a few)…wild, I know.

We were all in tears when they had to leave.  My sister and I have lived in close proximity almost all of our lives, separated by mere minutes…. not miles, so this has been difficult for us, not being geographically close, that is.  We talk a lot, we text and email, but that does not replace the ability to just “drop in”  on one another whenever we need face time (or fudge), or to chat (or get fudge), or get together for the holidays (and have fudge).  She’s been at my side since the day I was born and it has been challenging for me without her in that position…….but I’m trying.

our day at the beach

This picture shows the last little bit of tangible evidence I have of the visit;  a beach hat, beach towel, seashells, shades and a castle building toy.  I have not been able to bring myself to remove what’s left of the sand in that toy. In fact, it makes me sad to think about cleaning it and putting it away because my heart smiles when I think of the little hands that packed it with the sand which still remains.

Bro-in-law, thank you for making my new hometown a destination stop on your most recent visit back this way.  I needed the time with y’all more than you know.

Big sis, I miss you terribly and I love any time we have together.  You are an inspiration to me.  I hope we can soon lengthen our visits and shorten the time in between them.  I love you.

Oh!  And one last little piece of information I’d like to share;  I may be fatter, but you’ll always be older and I am Mama’s favorite, just so’s you know.   [:-p   snicker, snicker, snicker

Always with you in spirit,

Selena